Honda: day nineteen

Today I…

…literally did nothing but art all day. Finished one pointillism piece, started another. 

…keep thinking that this is going to get better, but there’s this horrible ache in my chest and my stomach any time I stop moving, stop distracting myself, and it’s been over a year and it’s only gotten worse. I’m not even sad about it— I feel like it’s just an actual injury that I’m angry isn’t going away, not like it’s something emotional. It’s not a feeling, it’s an involuntary experience I can’t quite seem to ignore anymore. I’m not depressed, I’m happy, and legitimately enjoy what’s going on in my life. I just… hurt. Physically, constantly, really fucking annoyingly, and it just doesn’t go away. 

…ugh. I’m not a fucking emo kid.